Proving Ground
by MidnightOfTheSoul
Summary: It was a mistake. She knows that now, but at the time, she thought — no wait. No, she didn't think. That's why she's currently on desk duty, awaiting disciplinary action.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Proving Ground

Pairing: None. Yet. S/A.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Rookie Blue characters not mine.

Summary: So much of her wants to cling to him, but she knows that once she latches on, she'll never be able to let go.

A/N: This'll be a one-shot with the possibility of a two shot, depending on interest.

.::.::.::.

It's late and she's sore and bruised and completely exhausted.

She exits the empty locker room and scans the bullpen, looking for Luke. He's in his office with _her_ and they're sitting too close and talking too low and smiling too much.

Glancing down at the modest diamond on her finger, she notices how dull it looks in the shadows, like it doesn't belong.

"McNally?" It's Oliver. He's been her partner off and on for a week now. "You alright?"

She looks up once again at the D's office to catch Luke and Jo laughing and she wonders what about death could be so cheerful.

When she looks back at Oliver, she knows he saw what she saw but he remains passive. "Yeah, I'm fine."

As she passes him, she feels his warm fingers on her forearm, stopping her. "You did good today," he states softly.

"But it was Gail who —"

"Peck got the arrest, she ran the op. But you? You saved a kid's life. You took a bullet for him." He tugs at the dressing covering her upper arm.

"I _almost_ took a bullet."

"Hey, a graze still counts," he smiles as he backs away. "Have a good night McNally, take it easy. See you in a few days."

A glimmer of a smile and another nod, "Thanks."

She doesn't bother stopping by to say goodnight to her fiancé as she leaves for the night.

.::.::.::.

Her phone buzzes. She silences it and stuffs it inside her bag.

Mentally, her direction is aimless, but her feet take her to their true north.

She doesn't know why she's surprised when finds herself outside Sam's place. She doesn't even consider going up to the door and knocking, she's content with just knowing he's inside and there, actually _there_. Before she sets off again to who knows where, she falters when she sees movement inside.

Not one body, but two.

And they're standing close together.

_Good for him_, her head tells her inexplicably stung heart.

.::.::.::.::.

That night, she sleeps on the floor in her old apartment; glad she decided to hold onto it until the lease runs out (_doesn't ask herself why)._

It's a deep sleep, the kind where no alarm can wake her. Drifting into consciousness many hours later, she remembers that today is her Dad's six-month anniversary and that she promised to be at his meeting.

She has an hour to dress and get to the church, which she does with surprising speed. Stepping inside the back of the old building, she looks around for him, but frowns when she finds him absent.

An hour later and she trudges into his neighborhood bar and sits on the stool next to him. He's staring at a full glass of whiskey with tears in his eyes. The silence between them is thick with a hockey game murmuring in the background. Slowly, she covers the glass with her hand and turns to him.

"Six months, Dad. All this work," she falters as her voice cracks with devotion and fear. "You've come so far. Stick with it."

When he turns to look at her, she sees his bloodshot eyes and reddened cheeks. _Too late_.

"I guess…" she can't do this. No more. "I guess I'm not worth it."

"Andy —" He reaches out but she slips away like gossamer.

All she can hear is the lonely creak of the door as she leaves her father alone with his whiskey and tears.

.::.::.::.

Luke's house is only a bus ride away from this part of town, but she can't bring herself to drop by to pick up her stuff. _Not yet_. The inevitable conversation of _I can't do this anymore _and even worse _you're still in love with her _hangs heavy on her consciousness and she is too damn tired and sore to figure out where to start.

Andy wonders if he's even concerned about her. Ever since he got out of the hospital he's been all about work, even more so than before. She's not sure if it's the work itself or the person with whom he is working. Though she tried to ignore all the signs, all the rumors and the not-so-hushed whispering, Luke and Jo are simply a force to strong to deny.

And it hurts.

She's not sure if it's her pride or her heart, but it makes her question her judgment and regret the last six months and that's enough.

In need of distraction, she hops on the bus and takes it to her old neighborhood in search of dear friends.

When she walks into the bar, she finds familiar friends with a couple new faces. They give her a hard time at first for staying away so long, but no matter what, they always welcome her back. She plays a tense game of pool with an ex-boyfriend/life advisor and finishes off her evening with a doubles game of foosball. It's light and easy and no one asks her any probing questions. Just what she needs.

When the wee hours draw near, another friend, Josh, offers to give her a ride home. He listens quietly as she spills out the drama of the last few months since she saw him last.

"Andy," he says patiently, knowing how easily she gets herself worked up. "Think about the real issue: The fact that he's in love with someone else or that it doesn't even bother you that much?"

"What?" she sputters. "I love Luke. This hurts… a lot."

"I don't doubt that you love him, but maybe you aren't _in love_ with him. Clearly not all was right between you two if his ex moved back to reclaim her territory and you didn't do anything about it."

"But I did!"

"No, Andy," Josh sighs, "You ran away. At the first sign of trouble, you clam up and you find an escape route. You don't fight. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. You've done it for as long as I can remember."

She sits in his passenger seat, smarting from his honesty. That's just it: the truth always hurts.

"Now maybe there's a reason or a person to explain why you never fully opened yourself up to him. You said he was the _safe one_. What does that even mean?"

She sniffs a little, rubbing the scant moisture leaking from her eyes. She exhales loudly, biting her lip.

"Andy… what does that mean?"

"It means he'd never leave me! That he wouldn't break my heart and that I'd never get hurt."

Even as she says the words, she knows how foolish she'd been — then and now.

They continue on until he reaches her place. He pulls to a stop and lets the car idle, waiting for her to say whatever it is that's nagging her.

Josh learned a long time ago to never hurry Andy McNally. Sure, she might rush into things without thinking, but eventually, she'll slow down long enough to consider her actions, to feel the emotions she chose to ignore.

"Not everyone is going to leave you," he says quietly, watching a couple walking down the street. "Not everyone leaves while you're away at school or drinks themselves into oblivion just because they can't own up to their ghosts."

"Leave my Dad out of this," she warns lowly.

"Right, because he's not the other reason why you showed up tonight? I heard he was back on the wagon again."

"Well… he's not."

"Ah —" he nods, realizing this was more serious than he thought. "Hey, do you want to come back to my place tonight? My sister is at her boyfriend's place. You could sleep in her bed. I can make you pancakes in the morning and we could con Fletcher into giving you some furniture."

She cracks a smile at the thought of them returning to the weekends of the past. Then she remembers why she spent so many weekends at his apartment and frowns.

"Josh, avoiding my problems doesn't help. I thought you said I needed to face my fears."

"You do, but maybe you can start tomorrow. With some solid support and a full stomach."

She contemplates his reasoning and can't help but find the offer appealing. When she nods, he smiles at her and pats her on the shoulder before putting the car in drive and taking them several blocks away.

"You know," Andy says as she follows him up the stairs to his apartment, "it's such a shame that you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you no matter what, Josh."

"You introduced us, remember?"

"Yeah, that was only after having this raging crush on him for an entire semester, only to discover he played for the other team."

"Still, it was good of you. You always did look out for me. Always wanted me to be happy."

"I want that for everyone," she says flippantly. Thinking on her current situation, she reflects bitterly, "Then again, I tend to fail more often than not."

Josh frowns at her as he grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses and drops inelegantly next to her on the couch.

"Hey, remember when we were fourteen and you were trying to figure yourself out?"

"God, that was awful," he smiles back at her. "But you got me through all of that, every single terrible day."

"Hey, what are friends for?"

"Exactly." He clinks his glass against hers, "to making our friends happy."

Before drinking she echoes, "to the happiness of friends."

.::.::.::.

Perhaps it was a rash decision.

Then again, she doesn't think anyone will notice at this point.

Zipping up her jacket, Andy exits the D's office and walks through the empty bullpen out into the night.

A solitary diamond ring sits atop Detective Rosati's desk, returned to its rightful owner.

On Luke's desk is Andy's key to his house, because it was always just _his_. When he returns home later, he'll find her clothes removed from their closet and her belongings gone.

She imagines he'll feel relief after he gets over his initial dismay.

.::.::.::.

One day. She's spent the last three ruminating and now she has one day before she'll undoubtedly face Luke, face _her_. Face the failure of the relationship. It will hurt, but she doesn't want to think about that. No, she wants to build up her defenses and get good and strong.

Andy busies herself with putting away what little things she does possess. She goes to the grocery store gets the essentials, and ends up in her kitchen two hours later, baking. She makes cupcakes and muffins and cake and a pie. Her apartment smells like Betty Crocker exploded.

She kills a quarter of the red velvet cake in one sitting, but at least she figures out what to say to Luke when he'll inevitably lead her to an interrogation room for an unpleasant discussion.

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, she stares herself until all the shapes and images blur and all she can see is a muted figure. When she refocuses, her cheeks are damp and her skin is splotchy. She lets the tears fall as she removes her shirt and turns sideways, examining the stitches on her arm and the mottled bruise stretching all around. It's sore and hurts when she flexes, but otherwise, she figures she'll wear that scar like a badge of courage.

For a second, she allows herself to think about Sam and what he'd say about her battle wound, but she chooses not to think about it. If she's going to get through this, all of it, then she must do it on her own.

Andy jogs into work the next day, reveling in the burn of her fast pace. She may be numb to most emotions right now, but at least she can feel what it's like to work hard. Arriving early, she takes the opportunity to shower and take her time dressing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" says Traci as she bursts into the locker room, fuming. "I lost count of how many times I called you after I reached fifteen. I mean, seriously? Who does that?"

Andy's eyebrows shoot upward as she rummages through her bag. She grimaces upon finding the completely dead device mocking her neglect.

"Trace, I'm so sorry, I swear I forgot. I just tossed it in my bag and…"

Before Andy knows it, she is wrapped in Traci's arms. "We were so worried. No one knew where you were and your Dad came by and then Luke found the key and…"

"My Dad? Wait what?" Andy pulls away abruptly. "You know about that?"

"Andy, you left his key on his desk in the D's office. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that since I was giving Jo back her ring, I might as well kill two birds with one stone and give Luke his key." Andy turned and quickly finished dressing. "How many people know?"

"Right now? I think just me and Jerry. We were there when he found the key. He's really torn up, Andy."

She huffs and rolls her eyes. "Yeah I bet. At least he has Jo."

Traci shakes her head, "that's not fair and you know it." She shuts her locker and leads the way out where Andy is quickly manhandled by Sam.

"Ouch!" he drops her arm quickly, realizing it must have been her hurt arm.

"Sam —" Traci blurts but is silenced with a glare. She points to the conference room and Andy nods that she's okay. Her back against the wall, Andy's view is suddenly obscured by a very displeased Sam Swarek.

"How was your time off, McNally? Good? Enjoy yourself? Imagine my surprise Monday, when after spending a great weekend with my sister, I discover that not only did you get shot, but that you were MIA."

"Sam —" he's getting wound up and if she doesn't stop him now, she never will. "First off, it was just a graze. And more importantly… I think… I think you should take that offer. That one from Boyd."

Her words stop his rant dead in its tracks. "You what?"

"It's a temporary assignment right?" She's pacing at this point; hoping he doesn't catch how hard this is for her to say. "You wouldn't be there forever. I just… you've always wanted this — Guns and Gangs. It'll be good for you, it'll… it'll make you hap- happy."

"Andy, stop. Stop," he grabs her hand to stop her. "Where is this coming from?"

She exhales quickly, ignoring others as they pass. Turning to face him, she brings both her hands up and runs them through her hair. In all her preoccupation with Luke, she'd never considered how hard it would be to deal with Sam.

"When we first met, you made it very clear that patrol was not your first choice," Andy states plainly, her eyes fixed downward. "I know you wanted to think about Boyd's offer and obviously I don't know what it entails, but I know how excited you get when we're undercover. You don't just like it. You _love _it."

Sam is silent, his heart beating hard against his chest. He hears her words but all he can focus on is why she's trying so hard to push him away.

Just then, Andy's head jerks upward at the sound of a familiar voice: it's Boyd, walking down the hall with Best. Suddenly her timing makes sense. He'd mentioned last week that Boyd was coming by today to update Best and to get Sam's final word.

She watches as he catches sight of Boyd, as the realization crosses his face. So much of her wants to cling to him, but she knows that once she latches on, she'll never be able to let go. Too much of her life has proved that she can't rely so heavily on someone.

She needs him to be happy, to find happiness. Away from her.

Sam is looking at her as she runs through the reasons in her mind and she can tell he understands. He puts his hands on her shoulders, ducks his head so he can look her in the eyes.

"This isn't over, McNally," his voice is gruff and quiet. "You and me? Not over. When I get back, we're going to have a nice long talk."

"Sam—"

He pushes off and holds up his hand. "And for the record, Andy," he backs away as he says this, "what I loved about going under was that I was with you."

Her face screws up in sadness and pain as he turns and walks to Best's office. Andy gains her composure and walks into Parade, sliding into her seat next to Traci.

A few minutes later, Luke enters, looking like he's been through the ringer. Just behind him comes Best, looking gruff and official as he takes the floor.

"Alright Coppers, nothing new to report. Get ready for a hot one today. Diaz with Williams, Peck in booking, McNally with Shaw, Nash with Epstein. Okay Fifteen, serve, protect, and stay out of trouble."

As Andy stands to follow Shaw, Luke quickly moves in and blocks her path.

"Andy, can we just talk for a minute?"

"Luke —"

"Please?" he looks so awful. "Just five minutes."

Andy catches Shaw's eye as he holds up his hand in a five-minute gesture and motions towards the parking lot. She nods then turns to Luke. "Fine."

Just before reaching the interrogation room, she looks over to Best's office and sees Sam shaking hands with Boyd. Luke holds open the door as she steps inside, her eyes on her partner until the door closes behind Luke.

It will be almost nine months before Andy sees Sam again. And this time, she's the one doing the rescuing.

.::.::.::.

A/N: Many people note how immature Andy is with respect to her personal life. I find it odd for someone her age and her history to act the way she does, but hey, I'm not the show runner. Anyway, I can make this a two-shot if enough people care. We'll see… Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Proving Ground (2/10)

Pairing: None… at the moment

Rating: T

Disclaimer: not mine.

Summary: The week after Sam leaves is awful and Andy can't quite explain why. She regrets every single minute she rides in a car with anyone other than Sam and it shows.

A/N: I literally just scarred myself for life after writing a novel- long fic and swore I'd never do it again. Now look, this'll be a multi-chap, but these will be shorter-ish chapters, an exercise for me. That being said, I just need to get this fic out of my head so I can move on with my life. ENJOY. Kthxbai.

.::.::.::.

month the first

.::.::.::.

The week after Sam leaves is awful and Andy can't quite explain why. She regrets every single minute she rides in a car with anyone other than Sam and it shows.

By the beginning of the second week Noelle decides to bite the bullet and ride with Andy for the day. Andy sits quietly in her seat the whole time, staring out the window and responds only when spoken to. It's not Andy and the contrast is alarming.

Early afternoon and Noelle breaks.

"Alright McNally," they're camped outside one of Jerry's crime scenes, providing protection. "I was wondering if you could explain something to me."

"Okay."

"Now, it's personal."

"Okay…" she's more hesitant this time and Noelle can almost see the walls being erected between them.

"Why are you acting like someone drank all the coffee left in the world?"

Andy isn't expecting such a broad question. It definitely isn't anything she can answer succinctly.

So, she shrugs. "It's been a rough week. That's all."

"You haven't been by The Penny in a while."

"I've been going by my Dad's after work. We're… working through some things."

Noelle nods. Who knew this kid could keep her mouth shut?

"The gym either."

"I've been running to and from work. I've had a lot of pent-up… energy lately."

She's still awful at lying. This shouldn't be too hard then. Noelle takes a breath. Time to go in for the jugular.

"Is this because Sam took up with Guns and Gangs?"

Inwardly, Andy cringes. Why does everything revolve around Sam? She just broke up with her fiancé, _whom she loved very much_, because he was still in love with his ex. Just thinking about the last few months makes her feel foolish and it stings. A lot.

Without even skipping a beat, Andy turns to Noelle and asks, "How are things going with Best?"

Noelle's eyebrows arch and she realizes that perhaps Andy is the type to lash out when backed into a corner. She turns forward and mutters, "point taken."

The rest of the afternoon is spent in mildly tense silence.

.::.

As if to make a point, Andy shows up at The Penny later with Traci and Dov. She smirks at Noelle who's keeping company with Jerry and Oliver as she grabs her cohorts a round of beer.

"Woah, Andy, nice to see you out," Chris greets from their table, his arm draped around Gail.

"Time to socialize with us lesser mortals again?" Gail inquires as she takes a sip of her beer.

"Nope, just choosing my company carefully," Andy retorts as the round is delivered. Dov, ever the conversationalist, breezes over the ensuing awkward silence by telling them of his exciting day with Shaw.

"… And then he says, I didn't know you could bend that way. Meanwhile, I'm hanging upside down, inside out, and turning blue trying to reach this kid's stupid cat."

"I can't handle it anymore," Traci blurts, "did you save the freaking cat or not?"

"Hey, hey," Dov pacifies, "Don't rush the master."

"Oh come on!" shouts his chorus of listeners.

Deflating, Dov frowns. "No. The uh… the cat named formerly known as Butterscotch met her fateful doom."

"Liar!"

"Fine. Yeah, Shaw called one of the hose monkeys to drive by in their ladder truck to get the cat down. Of course they got all the glory."

Andy smiles thinking about Shaw's jealousy of the firefighters. "What, don't tell me you're jealous of the firefighters too."

"Of course not." Dov scoffs at the thought.

Gail doesn't buy it. "I call foul. You were ripping them apart the other day when you dug up last year's calendar. If you're so jealous, why don't you make one for the coppers?"

"We are here to protect the law —" Chris starts on a rant. Traci looks at Andy mouthing 'bar?' Andy nods her head and follows Traci to the bar where they get another round.

"There's only so much of those three and their morbid triangle that I can handle."

"What do you mean?" Andy asks as she looks back at the table where there is a tense debate being waged.

"You haven't noticed?" Traci lifts a scandalous eyebrow and takes a sip. "Something happened between Dov and Gail, but I still can't figure out if Chris knows yet."

"Something? As in they kissed? Or something more?" Andy can't hide her shock. "How can you even tell?"

"I've got a sixth sense about these things. And I think it may have been a little bit more than just a kiss, but it's too early to tell."

Andy frowns as she picks at the label on her beer. It's not until Traci bumps her that she realizes she's gotten quiet again. "What?"

"You. Getting all broody. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I don't know. I guess…" she looks back at the table, then to Traci. "I just don't get it. Why Gail?"

Traci tries not to laugh, but fails. Loudly. "I know right? I mean, she's gotten a lot better —"

"True."

"— but still. She can be such a bitch sometimes. Maybe she's just really great in bed."

"Traci!"

"What? I mean, really, what else can explain it?"

"It sure isn't her cheerful disposition."

They continue to laugh at Gail's expense then sober up when they realize how mean they are. "Wow, are we bitter or jealous?"

Andy glances over at Traci, gobsmacked. "Excuse me?"

"Well, we were both in committed relationships. I screwed mine up because I was selfish and wanted Jerry too. You ended yours because your man was a cheater and sent Sam away. Now we're all alone and pissed at Gail for being in the same situation we were in."

"Sorry?" Andy downs the rest of her beer. "I was _not_ in that position at all."

"What do you call having two men interested in you?"

"The situation you just yourself out of?"

"Andy I'm serious. You just broke up with Luke. Good on you. But you also sent Sam away. Why'd you do it?"

"I didn't _send_ him anywhere. He's a grown man. It was completely his choice to switch to Guns and Gangs." Andy replies assuredly.

"Uh huh," says Traci doubtfully. "You know your voice gets higher when you lie? Now are you going to sit there and tell me you don't care one way or another that Sam is gone?"

"Look, before you start the inquisition, let's get one thing straight: Sam was only my partner. Yeah, we had that one thing… _months_ ago. But that was it. Anything you or anyone else read into our interactions is incorrect. He's my friend. That's all. Second: all Sam was doing was waiting for the spot to open up. We never really discussed why he was taking his time deciding, but I imagine it has a lot to do with him not wanting to give up all his freedom for the shady life."

Traci gives Andy a measured look, almost like she's sorry for her. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"What?"

"That Sam didn't want to go because he'd miss… all this."

"Wouldn't you?"

Traci looks around and shrugs. "Andy, I've got a kid that I love very much who I'm about to go home to. Sam? Sam is a very good looking man, who to my knowledge, has no steady girlfriend, and would do any thing you asked of him."

"Sam was my partner," Andy says this firmly, like she tells herself every time he looks at her too long, or smiles a certain way, or brushes his hand against hers needlessly. Then she reminds herself that of course he was just her partner, otherwise, he would have fought for her, not just push her away. Putting him in the friend column not only makes sense, it also hurts a whole lot less.

Traci, realizing that Andy truly believes that Sam Swarek has nothing beyond friendly feelings toward her, sighs and pushes away her half full bottle. "Whatever you say Andy."

They both slide off their stools, waving goodbye to their friends as they walk out the door.

"Hey Andy?"

"Yeah?"

"I've missed you."

She smiles at Traci's candor and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. See you in the morning."

This time, Andy takes the long way home. Walking slowly, she breathes in the night air and swears before the phantom stars in the darkened sky that she will get past this — the lack of support, the advice, the helping hand. If not for herself, then for Sam. She wouldn't want to disappoint her partner.

Right. Her partner.

.::.::.::.

A/N: Some people may believe that Andy is fully aware of her feelings and just denies them, but I disagree. Outside of the episode where she 'puts Sam on ice' she has never really acted like she believed there to be anything more than friendship/partnership between them. Trufax. Otherwise, I doubt she'd talk to him about Luke and relationship crap all the time. She's not that heartless. Oblivious? YES.

Well, thanks. Constructive criticism is wilkommen. Month the second is up next:

_"McNally." It's Best. He doesn't do more than summon her in that disapproving tone he has._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for the delay, I was away. Who knows if this is even all that interesting. Eh… Anyway, many thanks to those of you who take the time to review and the rest, thanks for reading!

.::.::.::.

Month the second and a half

.::.::.::.

It was a mistake. She knows that now, but at the time, she thought — _no wait_. No, she didn't think. That's why she's currently on desk duty, awaiting disciplinary action.

"McNally." It's Best. He doesn't do more than summon her in that disapproving tone he has.

Every step she takes feels like her stomach bottoming out. Upon reaching his office, she stands at attention with the thousand-yard stare. Best lets her stand for a few minutes, letting the anxiety and shame fester.

"I've spoken with Detective Barber. I'll read aloud his account of the events of this afternoon. Hold your comments until the end and only then tell me whether it is a fair assessment of what happened."

"Yes sir," Andy swallows hard, only letting her gaze drop to him for a moment.

"At nine seventeen Detective Barber arrived on scene to find you and Officer Peck in the middle of a shoot-out with a bunch of gangbangers. At that point one of them was shot in the chest and two other men took off. Instead of maintaining your position behind cover with your partner, you followed the two gang members down an alley — after Detective Barber ordered you to stand down. Two more shots were fired. Back up arrived and secured the scene. Detective Barber reported finding you almost six blocks away, walking back with one of the weapons, but neither of the suspects."

Best walks around his desk, standing very close to Andy. She can feel the anger radiating off him. "Is this a fair assessment, _Officer_ McNally?"

"Yes sir."

Andy remains silent even after he's obviously finished. With all her transgressions stacked in a tidy list, it's a wonder she still has her badge.

"You reported that you shot one of the suspects in the shoulder. Is this correct?"

"Yes sir."

"We'll be monitoring the E.R.s in the area… see if he shows up" He leans back against his desk, sizing her up. He scratches his head, hums to himself. His voice his quieter, much more that of a mentor and less of a sergeant. "I just… I don't understand. Poor form Andy."

It's then that the gravity of the situation hits her. She left her partner. She chased two suspects. Alone. During a firefight. She disobeyed a direct order.

She finally breaks her stare and glances at Best, his face a mixture of anger and disappointment. She takes a deep breath and looks ahead.

"Now McNally," his voice is stern again, like he remembers he's still the boss. "I know the last month has been difficult for you, I get that. But you've been acting increasingly more reckless lately and that's saying something, considering what you got yourself into when you were an actual Rookie. There is no room at a police department for someone to act so cavalier."

He rounds his desk and takes a seat in his chair. "It gets people killed. The only reason why Officer Peck isn't at the hospital right now is because she kept her wits about her. You're going to be on limited duty for the next week — at the morgue. I honestly don't know what it's going to take for you to learn how to understand that you must _think_ before you _act_. Next time, I'll have your badge and your weapon. Dismissed."

Andy promptly exits his office and heads straight to the locker room — everyone else is long gone. She slumps against her locker, overcome. It isn't until she sees two small feet in front of her does Andy realizes she's not alone. She looks up, half expecting Gail to slap her, but all she sees is pity and anger and that's somehow worse.

"You know, that was the stupidest thing I've ever seen you do, and that's saying something." Gail takes a seat across from her, crossing her leg as she looks at her hands. "I mean, did you really just _not think_ or was it more that you _were_ thinking?"

Andy sighs, looks up at the dim lighting and shrugs. "I honestly have no idea. I thought I could catch them. I felt that if I had waited, we'd be losing two suspects."

"So you just ran?"

"Yup."

"Did you even hear Jerry?"

"Yeah… sorta? It was weird, everything was so loud. I looked back, you were behind the door and safe, Jerry was behind his vehicle, I knew Noelle was on her way. Everything was under control."

Gail gives Andy a withering look. "Andy, what's the first rule of a gunfight?"

"Expect the unexpected. That until every person is in restraints and back safely to the barn, the situation is not under control." Andy recites the words ground into her memory.

Gail nods at her, saying nothing further. They sit in silence for a few moments until Andy can't handle the tension anymore. "I uh… I'm really sorry, you know. I would never—"

"Do that on purpose, yeah I know," Gail stands and grabs her purse. "I think you could be a great cop, Andy. _Really_. But… you really need to get your head out of your ass first."

Eloquent speech complete, Gail leaves the locker room. Andy changes clothes and shuts her locker door.

She walks home in silence, alternating between irritation and her own disappointment.

.::.

When she arrives at work the next morning, no one quite meets her eye. Instead they relegate her to the pool of pariahs, the officer no one feels they can trust. Assignments are handed out and Andy heads to the morgue. She reports dutifully, no idea what her duty entails. It quickly becomes apparent that she has to do a lot of standing around... observing.

"What do I do here, actually?"

The attendant at the desk shrugs. "You wait. Normally we have a rent-a-cop. But he's on vacation. Its long hours without much to do."

Andy nods. "But… what does he _do_?"

"Oh. Just provides a presence. Whenever there is a homicide, you'll provide the police escort to and from the scene with the coroner's van. Stuff like that."

Andy turns the corner and bangs her head against the cold concrete wall. It'll be the longest week of her life.

And it is. Four body transports. One kid trespasses on a dare. A leak upstairs and a broken freezer. That was it.

By the end of the week, Andy, living in her corner of neglect, understands exactly why Dov tried so hard to get in everyone's good graces. Unfortunately, the end is nowhere in sight.

Parade and Andy holds her breath as Best hands out assignments. "McNally, you're in booking until further notice."

Seven days later, Andy decides that it's time to talk to Best.

"Not now, McNally."

"But sir —"

"Not now."

Andy nods and backs out, but not before two weeks of finely honed stubborn frustration take over. "Sticking me in booking for a week? Not going to make me a better officer. Transporting bodies? No. This is punishment, not improvement. If you want me to think before I act, then put me in a situation where I'll have to."

Best, his hand paused on his phone, looks at her with eyebrows raised. He sets down his phone and clenches his jaw, weighing her words.

"Fair enough." He rises, brushes past her and calls out: "Rosati. You said you needed an officer with you? Take McNally."

Andy immediately wishes a hole would open up and swallow her whole. Best turns to her and puts a hand on her shoulder, then leans in close. "Keep your nose clean and be smart. Don't make me regret this."

After leaving his office, Andy spots Jo in the D's office. She musters every bit of strength and professionalism as she walks over. "Meet you at the car?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec. Need to make a call."

"Sure."

A few minutes later, Jo slides into the passenger seat, holding a stack of files. "Don't worry, McNally. This should be quick and easy."

Andy nods and pulls out of the parking lot, wishing that she would learn to keep her mouth shut.

.::.

There's been some rumbling that Jo is going to transfer back to her old district. _Good riddance_. Andy tries to ignore the way Jo and Luke interact nowadays, but she knew when she broke up with him that it would only be a matter of time.

She tries not to think about it too much.

"McNally, want to give me a hand here?" Jo asks from the top of the stairs. Since the break up, her entire tone towards Andy has been one of borderline condescension. It grates.

They're at an old abandoned apartment building, perfect for killing headstrong rookies. This building is rumored to have been the site the bloody massacre of two families four years ago and has since been empty, collecting riff-raff and nefarious dealings.

_Fantastic_.

Never one to back down from a challenge: "Sure."

Andy ignores the unease that sets into her bones and glances around in the dim light once more before ascending the staircase. Reaching the top, she follows the sound of Jo's footsteps down the hall. The place could double for a horror movie, with dank smells, leaking pipes, unusual creaks, and overall shadiness.

"Hey," Jo is standing to her side, but it's enough to make Andy jump. Jo laughs a little, but realizes how tense Andy is. "Sorry. Just… stop for a second. Take a deep breath. Then just listen. Old buildings like this? They breathe on their own. Get used to the organic sounds, it'll be easier to detect the unusual."

Andy's knee-jerk reaction is to ignore everything this woman says and do the complete opposite, but she's too nervous to do anything but follow advice.

Nodding her understanding, she takes a deep breath and does as instructed. As loathe as she is to admit it, Jo is right. Andy takes a deep breath and her heart calms its clamorous beating. Quietly and together, they creep along, checking every apartment on third floor before taking the last flight of stairs. It's stifling inside, and Andy isn't sure if it's the temperature or the overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia. Once again, she takes a deep breath, but this time it doesn't work.

She turns to look for Jo but can't find her anywhere. Andy ascends the last flight of rickety stairs assuming this is the direction Jo went. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, there is no sign of Jo and Andy exhales loudly. Something about all of this makes her feel unsteady, like she's gone too long without eating. Cautiously, she clears the first apartment as second nature. In the process, she hears a strange creaking noise but it sounds like it belongs to the apartment.

The next apartment is also empty, but there's an unusual odor coming from the far wall in a bedroom that butts up to another apartment. Not finding any evidence of the odor's origin, she moves to the last apartment.

Her nerves have settled but she still feels uneasy. After clearing the first room she hears a loud clattering sound and a thud. Without hesitating, she requests backup and follows the source of the sound.

The smell reaches her first; the putrid odor of decaying bodies nearly makes her wretch. The only thing keeping her frozen to her spot is the sight of a homeless man holding a very rusty knife to Jo's neck. Alarmed, Andy scans the room for Jo's weapon, but it's too dark to make out much in the shadows.

The man is jittery and looks more afraid than angry

"Don't you move."

Andy shakes her head, ears piquing at the sound of his voice. He sounds familiar. Slowly she takes a step forward, angering him further.

"I said not to move. Don't you move. Don't you move. Don't —"

"Migs?" Andy asks carefully. It has to be him, with his bushy hair and unkempt appearance, but sparkling white shoes. She doesn't move a muscle, ignoring the sound of her heart beating in her ears. "Migs, it's McNally. Remember me? I brought you an orange soda a couple weeks ago. We went to look for your shoes."

"Frankie stole my shoes. He stuck them in the trash."

"Yes," Andy nods with a quick smile. "But we got them out, didn't we? We got your shoes, shined them up, and we sat by the fountain and —"

"And we ate those big hotdogs. You got mustard on your uniform and Sam was making fun of you."

"That's right, good ole Sam." It's the first time she's said his name in nearly two weeks. Just the word alone rubs something raw inside her. "Hey Migs, why are you holding that knife?"

He looks at the knife like he forgot how it got there, then back to Andy. He turns and smells Jo's hair, like checking for life. He did the same thing the first time he met Andy. He leans back, frowning.

"She was trying to steal them. And… and I was told to protect them. Not to leave until he came back. And she tried to steal them. I do not like stealing. Nope. Not one bit. Stealing is wrong."

"That's right," Andy nods, glancing at Jo, who still looks slightly alarmed. "Stealing is wrong. But you know what? I know this woman, she works with me. She isn't going to steal them."

"But she does not wear a uniform."

"No, but look how nice her shoes are," Andy points to the ground. Doing as instructed, it gives Jo just the opportunity to break away from his grasp while Andy disarms him.

With him pressed into the floor, Andy knocks the knife away carefully while Jo retrieves her weapon. Migs starts yelling and cursing, putting up a struggle.

"You okay?" Andy pulls out her cuffs.

"Yeah, your friend has a solid right hook." Jo rubs her jaw as she walks to the far closet. "Damnit. I knew this was going to be a long day."

Andy looks over to the closet, her eyes growing wide. The closet has at least five bodies stacked on top of each other in various states of decomposition.

"Migs," Andy stands and pulls him up. "Migs, are they who you were trying to protect?"

He doesn't answer, just turns away and starts biting his lip. That's his typical response when something is true and he doesn't want to say yes. Andy turns and nods at Jo who is leaning out the window, waving to the backup.

"Okay, how about this. We get you some soda and we talk. I want to know about your friend."

Migs frowns and turns away, giving her the cold shoulder. Jo sighs at them and goes to meet whoever arrived.

"Come on…" Andy keeps her hands the cuffs and pulls him around. "I'll even get you some ice cream."

"Sam brings me ice cream. He knows my favorite. I want Sam."

Andy rolls her eyes. "Sam isn't here. But I bet I can guess your favorite."

"Doesn't matter. I want Sammy."

"Migs, Sam is… Sam isn't around right now."

"But I saw him yesterday." Andy freezes at hearing this vital piece of information. Sam. Close by. Alive. She tries to quiet the need to ask five million questions and tries to focus.

"Good, but I want to ask you about the man who wanted you to protect them." She nods to the closet, but Migs immediately clams up.

"Nope, not until we get some ice cream."

Andy sighs and looks to Jo, followed by Shaw and Epstein. "Deal."

.::.

It takes a solid three hours, two orange sodas, and half a gallon of mint chocolate chip before Andy makes any headway. Not only that, but she had to fight tooth and nail to even get in the interview room.

"So, you said that this man, the one who wanted you to protect _them_, asked you to do this about a week ago?"

"Yup. He wears these really nice shoes. Black leather. Italian, I think."

"That's great, Migs. Did he promise you anything in exchange?"

"Oh yes. Yes, yes. He has information."

Andy frowns. She fears where this is going. "Was it information about your daughters?"

"Yeah!" Migs takes a big bite and smiles, the ice cream dribbling down his face a little. "He said he was coming by tomorrow to check up on things, then he'll tell me what he knows."

Andy looks down at the cool metal table, frowning. She glances at the two way mirror and exhales, then turns to Migs.

"You don't know the man's name, do you?" her voice is quiet, knowing.

He looks up, surprised. "Not exactly," he wipes his chin, ashamed. "But… but he's coming tomorrow. Early. Like when you bring me coffee early."

Andy nods and continues questioning him patiently. She gets the location of their meeting, the suspect's appearance, and is once again, reminded of his shoes.

"Italian. Right, I remember." Andy stands and picks up the carton. "You'll be staying here tonight, okay Migs?"

He looks up at her and there's a flicker of something she can't quite place, perhaps a whisper of the man he once was. "Okay, McNally. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Sure thing."

.::.

A couple hours later and Andy is standing at attention in Best's office, yet again. She's getting tired of this routine of theirs.

"I've already spoken with Detective Rosati." He leans back in his chair and exhales like someone who's had a long day. Andy prepares for an abrasive critique. "She said she was genuinely impressed by your performance. She says you remained calm under pressure, secured the scene, called for backup, worked professionally with the only witness, and even stuck to your guns when you wanted the interview. "

Andy, shocked, simply nods.

"I believe she said something along the lines of underestimating you and your abilities, but she said she'd go back out with you any day."

There's a part of Andy that wonders if this is Jo backhandedly apologizing for having sex with Luke, but then Andy remembers that this is Jo. _Highly unlikely._ So, she nods again, trying hard not to grin just a little.

"You can be there in the morning for the bust, McNally. But you're still not out of hot water. You'll be probationary for another two weeks, riding at all times with a supervisory officer until they sign off on you."

Sails deflating, Andy nods, "Yes sir."

"Dismissed."

Andy leaves his office and marches straight to the locker rooms, anger and frustration simmering just beneath the surface. She's never going to get out of this cycle of perpetual failure and it's driving her insane. Even when she does something right…

The door opens and Jo enters, a nasty bruise crawling over her cheek. Andy isn't sure what to say to this complete enigma of a woman.

"Thanks," Andy murmurs as she unbuttons her shirt, "for talking to Best. It uh…" she bites her lip, struggling. "It meant a lot."

Jo crosses her arms, a brief smile lighting her features. "Hey, it's the truth. You did good out there. I also wanted to say thanks. I know we've never… well, you know. But, you were good with him. Great job."

Andy nods, reflecting on how her world has upended since this woman showed up. And now she's thanking Andy for saving her life. Jo turns to go but stops just as she reaches the door.

"One thing… what's the deal with Migs and shoes?"

Andy glances over at Jo, her curiosity apparent. Sighing a little, Andy leans against her locker. "It's an old case of Sam's from when he was a rookie. Migs used to be a professor. He had a wife and two young daughters. One day, he comes home, his wife is murdered and his daughters are missing. It looked like they'd been playing in the front yard. The only thing that'd been left behind was their shoes. They never found the kidnappers."

Jo's brow furrows in understanding. "His world fell apart?"

"Completely."

Nodding sadly, Jo opens the door. "And all these years later, Swarek still brings the guy soda and ice cream?"

"Yeah." Andy shrugs like it's only natural for an officer to be bringing a homeless man junk food.

Jo smiles like she knows the secrets of the universe. "He's a good man, that Sam Swarek."

Alone once again, Andy changes clothes and whispers an acknowledgment. "Yeah, he sure is."

.::..

Next chapter: "All right everyone," Best surveys the room, possessing this exciting piece of information. "The time has come. The Emergency Task Force is recruiting again."

Andy can practically hear the gauntlet being thrown around the room. _Let the games begin._

.::.::.

A/N: I think Jo had a lot of potential. The last ep kind of humanized her for me. I wish the whole situation worked out better for everyone, but sadly it didn't. I imagine the next ep will also be difficult and may be her last, hence the reason for my including her in this chap. I want to give her a half-way decent send off.

2. Andy's little fall from grace is one of those things that needs to happen. Sooner or later, this kid is going to hurt someone or herself and it won't get better with a band-aid.


End file.
